Most of the homeschooling blog post that I read are about homeschooling success. I have much to say about the positives of homeschooling, but this is NOT that blog post. I really don’t like to read post that are not upbeat and positive, but I feel like I might benefit a homeschooling mom out there in the blogosphere who is struggling with school. I just want to write about my concerns lately.
In my experience, homeschooling is constantly changing. It changes as kids get older. It also changes as moms get older. I have learned that one of the biggest factors is attitude. Attitude constantly changes. If attitude gets off course….everything gets off course. What I’m trying to say is something like this…”one rotten apple spoils the whole barrel”. Sometimes I’m the rotten apple. Sometimes my kids are the rotten apple.
Let me go off on a little rabbit trail here. When I first starting homeschooling 12 years ago, I realized right away this was a bigger job than I bargained for. I knew without a doubt God wanted me to homeschool my oldest son, but I needed to homeschool and still have time to take care of household chores, cook meals, keep everyone in clean clothes, and pay the bills. I didn’t have the time to do all of those things and still give my kids a better than average education. Most of the women I talked to in my early years of homeschooling said “relax, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it” or “pray about it”. Well, I knew God wasn’t going to come do laundry for me everyday or teach my children to multiply, but I knew I needed help. Well I don’t remember the exact moment that it realized it, but I did learn that if I prayed about my homeschooling struggles and asked for God’s help, it became easier.
I am one of those controlling kind of people. I try to control because I love my family more than anything. Sometimes I forget to ask God for help and I start to think that I can control everything. As a mom of a 20, 15, and 12 year old, I can assure you, control is hard to attain. Trying to attain control is exhausting. So here I am after 12 years of homeschooling feeling like I need to adapt, relearn, change attitude, and remember to rely on God for help.
So back to today. I want to be a Godly example. I want to be a good wife, mom, and teacher. I want to make good meals, keep the house clean, and have a happy family free of sibling rivalry and strife. I want everyone in my house to be happy, love God, and prosper in all they do. But sometimes I just put myself on auto pilot and forget that the things I want require discipline and hard work. I don’t like to discipline myself or my kids. Today was a wake up call. My flesh is weak and tired. My kids flesh is obstinate and unruly. So I feel like I’m back a square one. I pray for a renewing of my mind and attitude.
Maybe I’m whining a little. Maybe I’m pouring my heart out. Maybe I just need to have my voice heard. Maybe I’m feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I’m searching for new ways of doing things. Maybe God is whispering to me in his still quiet voice. Maybe it’s a combination of all of them. I will find a new way to be positive and to get what I want from my homeschooling experience. I know that God will help me, all I have to do is ask.
As you can tell, homeschooling has been a little tough lately. It will be ok. No more whining. Tomorrow’s blog post will be more upbeat and fun. And to God…if you are reading this blog post, you will be hearing from me a lot more in the future. I’m needing your help with school again. I know you have some good ideas. Amen.